Thursday, March 26, 2015

We live under the sun

Oh, well. There was the one place I walked in and immediately picked up an energy that I'm all too familiar with.

I just set down my coffee cup and left. 

Don't even fuck with that crowd. You know better now.

I'm clocking out early because works been a madhouse lately. I'm on call until 8 and hope to god no cases come in.

Think I'm going to read a book over by the pool. After all, I live under the sun now.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

I've got an address again, I'm in a loft in downtown LA.

Just about enough time to sit down and try to absorb that... 



I never arrived somewhere and fell in love like this, at least so much that I decided it's where the road's going to end. I liked the Keys, but I'd been visiting that place for eight years before I moved down there. Some other geographics were driven by my career or just desperation over my life not working out. And somewhere in the back of my mind I always wished I could make it back down there. But there isn't enough time in your lifetime to do everything once, let alone twice. 

It's kind of neat to take in such a beautiful city and try to wrap my head around the fact that I live here now. Hasn't quite registered yet. But I've been having the kind of life I never thought I could have -- out of fucking nowhere -- and there's just no going back now.

People talk to me on the street. You get a crazy cat lady at the register at Ralph's telling you her life story. It's funny. I met a radio host who told me she thought I'd be the kind of dude to step off of a Monster truck and pee on everyone and vandalize everything around me, so it was cracking her up that I'm an ebulent and ridiculously silly gay dude. After years of the cynicism and anti-social behavior you get from Chicago, after years of being treated like cattle in the check out line or whatever... after years of everyone staring at their iphones because they're terrified to make eye contact or engage each other...

Well, that's not who I am anymore. I am approachable. I can kick it with or talk to fucking anyone.

Spicy said she thinks it's because "we live under the sun."

Hm. Ok. But that does not explain Austin.

NYC's a little friendlier, people will clown around on the subway and say hello. I love NYC (even though seriously fuck you, Chicago has way better pizza) and I'm going back there in June for a few days. It's even way down on the bucket list as a place I might think about living. But I never abandoned my plans and just simply stayed in New York. It's just another place I enjoy visiting.

I've met some cool people and done some things I've only just seen on Facebook. I've been to WWE Raw, a pool party, all this shit that I did over the weekend and I'm like... damn, I really think this fucking place has everything I need and like in a city and 1000x times what I could have imagined I would have needed or liked in a city.

The people here have been open and welcoming and kind to me. From day one. And it's really tempting to contrast that to some of my other experiences in the past but it's time to discard those too.

Monday, March 23, 2015

"Oh, the places you'll ho."

I've been maintaining a list of stories I might want to tell someday.

It turns out there's over 86 items on the list. I wasn't even counting. I just started jotting down a bullet point every time I went off on a tangent that made people laugh. The list is simply titled "Oh, the places you'll ho."

Separately there's a few things I've scribbled down in a notepad. These are things I might have wanted to write a poem or a one-line cryptic post about and never got around to:

"Follow the sun, be all things to everyone."

"I'm sure your prayers are giving God all the strength and encouragement he needs to get through whatever he's up against."

"Embrace the hard life you've had. Let it wash over you. Be who who you are today. Accept the new prosperity being offered to you."

"Don't try and talk me down. I've been up here for a very long time. I'm going to stay inside where it's warm!"

"I talked to "Sylvia" at the Walgreens on Roosevelt and told her about how I'd be having a sober experience of the Island this time. She said people either come here to heal or die, and that people can never quite get away from the island."


Sunday, March 22, 2015

So about the deployment in Los Angeles...

One of our key team members resigned and his last day was on Friday. He usually has to go to an installation for one or two days to set up a specific piece of it.

This calls for spoofing the MAC address of the outbound client gateway (with careful rules to only listen and not respond) so you can sit on a SPAN port and eavesdrop/ingest all the venue's traffic.

It wasn't working as intended so I spun up a virtual machine and also observed no traffic over there. A couple of crude hacks later and I figured out the "fourth" documented way we could make this thing work.

So we finished two weeks of work in three days and were able to give a really good demonstration of this product. I think it's really going to take off.

Long story short, he started off a little chilly with me but once he figured out that all he had to do was explain a basic principle and then I'd take it and run with it, his tone changed. 

By the end of the week he said "Congratulations. You're the new me" and warned me that his group might push to acquire me.

I don't know if I like that idea. I have a great boss and team. They don't mind lending me out to various teams and products. I don't mind being lent out. But I'm happy and I won't fuck with that for the world.

I think it's a better proposition for the company when I'm available to support multiple endeavors (like this) and then go back to my real job.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

"San Francisco is nasty. Don't put that in your mouth honey."

These gays crack me up. They'll grab a knife and have like 1/32 of a doughnut or a single slice of pizza and moan about how they're all fatties doomed to hell.

Looks like Varla is going to have to be a little less binge and a little more purge to get laid in this town. :-D



Wednesday, March 18, 2015

My friend Ashley from Chicago coaxed me away from the stadium at 7:30pm last night. We went to a bonfire group in a beautiful background setting and I met a few of her friends. She really kept the momentum going for one amazing day after another since I left San Jose.

Today we had a problem that could have turned into a show stopper. It took me a few hours in a very somber room but between me over on VMWare and another guy on the Nexus 7000, the two of us just fixed it. The new product looks really neat and I wish I could show it off or say more about it. As for next steps I was told to RTFM. 

I replied "RTMF. Read The Middle Finger."

Although I didn't end today surrounded by new friends or breathtaking scenery, we did wrap up at a restaurant with double high fives and a celebratory ripping up of all of our visitor badges. I can at least go to bed knowing that I helped make today an amazing day for my employer and for everyone who's hitched their wagon to this particular star. 

I loved it because I got to sit down with something completely unfamiliar for the first time in a long time and solve it.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Things are kind of intense on this deployment.

A lot of "why are you here?" and "why am I here?" questions going around.

But we had a hardware issue that interrupted our work today. I took point on opening a sev1 case. Then I got everything lined up to replace it at 7:00am. I think some folks were relieved. This is one thing I can do.

I spent yesterday thinking oh fuck this, I'd never work for this business unit. 

Then we went out for dinner and they started telling crazy stories about being stuck on the northernmost part of Norway for a month on the North Sea doing an installation. I do not drink on projects or with co-workers because I know I'll be a fucking disaster, but there wasn't any pressure and no one asked a stupid question like "Why aren't you drinking?" What a relief. Oh well. I listened intently and started thinking hmmmm... the North Sea... Australia... Germany... fuck, sign me up.

I work well under fire and I put out fires. Going from site to site doing proof of concept installations and doing whatever it takes to make them succeed. Son of a fuck. It might actually be a good fit. I'm trying to imagine going back to the lab to work on cases after this. Will things ever be the same again?

One of the managers must have read my mind. He said "Once you work over here, you can never go back to the regular organization."

That's not to say there's even an opportunity on the table but I'll show em what I've got and if nothing else I will have developed a strong relationship with yet another business unit. I am starting to like them a lot.

Last night was the first time I've ever been to a venue and seen all of these products in an installation. I was a nerdy little kid in a candy store, staring at all of the blinky flashy in awe. This particular installation is fucking awesome. 

Yes I have the product installed in a lab. On a very small scale. With two displays or twelve displays or 24 displays. But in the real world there could be a few hundred, or even up to 3,000 of them. It's not the same. And for the most part all I ever see are logs and a command line, working on this stuff over screen sharing or a VPN connection. In person, it's really fucking cool. 

I went to bed incredibly happy and kind of in love with this city.

Sunday, March 15, 2015


So, this was the sidewalk in West Hollywood. There were a few other Stribild tabs along with the dessicant and lid. I'm a cheap Cancerian fuck and almost picked them up because that shit's $100 a pill honey. But what's THAT?


"Worse associations and skeletons"

I'm walking down Santa Monica Blvd and there's a crazy guy shouting at someone through a gym window: "Yeah! You fucking slut. C***. Whore!" I giggled a little and he said "Ok Rob. Just fucking walk by me then." He started rambling nonsense about Michael Jackson and Oprah. I asked what about them. He couldn't tell me. I reached out to hug him. He flinched. I asked him dude can I just give you a hug? I hope Ryan didn't see the single tear rolling down my cheek.

He's a good kid but he's directed some of his delusions at me so I know on some level I don't seem safe or trustworthy enough to be friends with him anymore. He asked if I wanted to hang out but he was so spacey it was hard to even talk to him and there was a lot of uncomfortable silence. I asked him if he was okay and said that he looked a little worse off than when I'd last seen him. He just looked at me blankly and said "No. You look great."

I figure he's higher than giraffe pussy. I told him I'm trying to avoid my past and that it seems as though we'll cross paths again.

I thought he was hot, shouting and all, before I realized who he was. Because I'm a mess and crazy turns me on. We got naked once a million years ago but didn't play. I went home with some hot Latino named Anthony instead. Anthony was like fuck these guys I want you all to myself. And uh. That was hot. So, buhbye Ryan and whoever the fuck the rest of these people are.

It just burns me up knowing that he bounces from couch to couch and place to place and guys just get him high and fuck him. Yes he's cute, but do you even give a fuck about the condition he's in? 

Ryan had asked me tonight "Did we fuck?" When I told him no, he said "Oh good."

All I could do was laugh. If that's how you really feel, then ok. He has this innocent quality about him and blurts out the most utterly insensitive things that make me feel really attractive and validated!

I asked who he was shouting at in the gym.

"Some guy. He was with a woman and-"

He stopped without finishing the sentence.

"You don't have any idea who that was, do you?"

"No."

Saturday, March 14, 2015

So, this place exists.

I just read somewhere that it takes a lifetime to really experience California.

After taking the Pacific Coast Highway I am entirely ready to believe that.

After taking the Pacific Coast Highway, I am almost all in for that.

I don't know if it brought tears to my eyes over and over again or if my eyeballs were just having multiple orgasms.

It seems like only yesterday that I was praying for help not losing my fucking mind from stress. Oh wait. That actually was yesterday.